Movie News (with hyperbole)

Tonight I was tired and ready to drift off into some ludicrous dream (my favorite recent one was when I battled a killer tomato... not kidding), so what did I do? I wasted a couple hours reading movie news online. Here's the results:

The documentary 'Tyson' premieres at Sundance this week. I am endlessly fascinated by the squeaky, tattooed former boxing champion. I just re-watched the superb 1993 documentary 'Fallen Champ,' and now I'm hungry for more...

I kinda thought Spike Jonze had fallen off the increasingly small face of the earth since 'Adaptation' (and his stint as wrinkly oldsters in both 'Jackass' movies), but it turns out he's been working on 'Where The Wild Things Are.' The monsters look great. Speaking of 'Jackass,' where's Number 3? How hard is it to drag Steve-O out of the gutter, prop him up, and get him to blow a goat for a few minutes?

Sounds like the film adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's 'The Road' is in limbo somewhere. I was excited for this one - the hiring of director John Hillcoat ('The Proposition') gave me hope - but the more I read, the more skeptical I am. Stills from the film just don't look grim enough, even if they do plan to do 'sky replacement' in post-production. I fear that this could be nothing more than a competent, obligatory film adaptation of a hit novel. This could turn out to be a bad idea dressed in a good idea's clothing...

Unfortunately, there always seems to be room on the big screen for another heartless, pointless remake. Will Smith is remaking 'The Karate Kid,' starring his son Jayden. I'd rather watch paint dry... while licking fecal matter off barbed wire. Apparently, so would Ralph Macchio, which he basically admitted without actually coming out and saying it.